I've only ever been to Bean Town once - my second oldest brother and his wife were living there at the time and Mommy, Ken, and I went to visit. My step-dad was just as excited to see his son as he was to show off the town and all it's potential colleges to me. I was not at all interested in Boston College or University... the two that are right in the heart of the city. We were just driving through town and all of sudden my brother said, "well that's BC (or the other one, I forget)," and I'm excitedly looking out the window saying, "where?" Then, to my great dismay, I realized that it blended right in with everything else. Not exactly the dream I had for college.
As an undergraduate I wanted something with an enclosed campus feel. I wanted something small and friendly. That's exactly what I got, too. Now, as a graduate student at Hunter College in none other than NYC, I find myself experiencing that "just a part of the city" feel that I so did not want when I was college hunting in Boston. New York City is my "Boston."
That's what I mean about the song by Augustana. When I hear that song - even now - I remember being back in my hometown after graduating with a B.A. in 3 years at my small, Southern University. I remember how I was back "home" at my parents' house and I didn't feel at home at all. I was in this strange limbo. All my friends were still in undergrads and loving life. I was working dead-end jobs and trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with myself. Whenever "Boston" came on the radio I would take a deep breath and remind myself that I wouldn't always be stuck. I would calmly tell myself that I couldn't just pick-up and leave that very day, that very hour... I would remind myself that I needed a plan. My "Boston" would come and I'd be ready to go.
Then, I applied for grad school. Just like when I applied to University of Mary Washington for my undergraduate degree, when I applied to Hunter College it was the only place I submitted an application to. All my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I might not like to gamble in casinos, but I have been known to take some pretty big risks in my life. It was NYC or bust and I did it! It wasn't quite the dramatic reinvention of myself I had planned but... I got out of my "stuck" place and I did find "a new town to leave it all behind..."
Sometimes, I still get that feeling - not just when I hear that song either. I worry that I have too much wanderlust in me. Well, I used to worry about it. I used to think that it meant I couldn't have all the things I always said I wanted. I thought that my inner restlessness would mean that I'd be perpetually dissatisfied with home and husband and family. I thought that's what I was supposed to want. I thought I was supposed to settle down and channel my energies into teaching and raising kids and keeping house.
But maybe it doesn't have to be a choice you make. I've found someone who has been bitten with the same bug I tried to deny. I've found my tumbleweed - and tumbleweeds mate for life, you know. Seriously, they attach themselves to each other and are free to go where the wind takes them cause it will take them together.
Just because you want to tumble, doesn't mean you have to tumble alone. There will always be another "Boston" and it's possible that you can "leave things all behind" while still taking the best part with you: your tumbleweed partner.
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