Holding On to a Distant Star...

Wow... it's been awhile. Maybe this is the only writing committment I can actually stick to. Just pick one song a day and write a little blurb about it. Since, between the two jobs I barely have any time and I'm always SO tired it probably will be utter crap writing but... at least I'm writing?

Funny how this morning I purposefully chose some pretty depressing songs on iPod while driving into work because I just felt like, "what is the POINT?" Why am I busting my ass for an institution that has made it quite clear that I have no chance for upward mobility? Why do I slave away for kids who clearly do no give a shit? Why am I always the one with a work ethic that far exceeds my paltry paycheck? Why, in a world full of struggling students and apathetic teachers can someone with my drive and determination not find a full-time teaching job?!?

These are the worries that flooded my brain and made me thank God that driving to work is something I can essentially do on mental auto-pilot. If my brain actually needed to be involved, I would've been lost or in a ditch. I think part of me wanted to end up in a ditch so that I didn't have to go to work.

The worst part is, I feel there is no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. I can't burden my boyfriend anymore especially because he worries about me enough when he's away from home AND he has his own crap going on at work. Furthermore, where did all the friends go that I used to confide in? That's a whole nother post for a whole nother day!

Finally, my iPod schuffled and sent me its own little version of a life-line. A tiny ray of hope on a dark morning drive came in the form of a Duffy song.

Have you ever heard Distant Dreamer? When I discovered that song back during last summer I thought to myself: "this is it!" This song is exactly how I feel about there being something better waiting out there. I used to jam to that song, with the windows all rolled down as I sped up to 80 mph or more on the 290 expressway. I flew by the cars and pretended it would be just as easy to fly by all my troubles. I figured, it's gotta get better than this!

I was so completely convinced that the distant star I was holding on to was within my reach. I had finally freed myself from the clutches of the past. I was living with an amazing man who loved me despite all the baggage and emotional scars. I was going to be teaching again (well substitute teaching). But somehow, it doesn't seem nearly as close anymore as it did then.

But I guess I gotta keep remembering Duffy's words, "when life gets tough, I feel like giving up... I hold on to a distant star!"

It's distant. I'm a distant dreamer. The thing that keeps people like Duffy and myself separate from everybody else is our ability to keep reaching for that star no matter how far away it may seem. I just need to remember that.

Where Was Lady GaGa When I Was an Undergrad?!

I know I haven't been keeping up with writing in this thing... but it is 2010 now so who knows what can happen?! Maybe I'll finally find a reason to keep myself accountable!

Well, with the lyrical genius of Lady GaGa fueling my creativity, I'm much more hopeful for my writing this year. I'm not even joking. I'm actually completely addicted to her music. It's so catchy, so upbeat and just completely addictive. I would even consider forking out a shit-load of money I don't have to see her live. She's one hell of a performer - in my humble opinion.

My only real problem with Ms. GaGa is this: "Girl, where have you BEEN?!"

Seriously, I jam around the house cleaning or bebop to the subway with some GaGa blaring in my iPod headphones and I just keep asking myself "why didn't I have this music a few years ago?" I think about the songs that kept my friends and I grooving back at Mdub and I just know we would have been totally down with this Lady!

I picture my good friend (to keep his identity "safe" I'll refer to him as Seaco) and I see him dancing like the crazy dancing fool he is whether it was at Houston's or APEX or in my apartment living room... he would SO have jammed out to Poker Face! I can see it clear as if it actually happened. The opening riff would play and there he'd be, eyes wide, jaw dropped to the floor before declaring "This is my JAM, bitches!" *cue fist pumping*

And what about that fabulous anthem "Just Dance"... I know my woman Manchers and I would so have cruised around in Bugaboo (her Punch Bug FYI) just singing our hearts out to that one. Wait, we may have actually done that *scratches head* But I know it would have also made for great drunken fun with all my girls. I mean, can you just see us all sucking down A. Lee's famous Jello Shots with that blaring in the background? Oh yes!

I need to share a little youtube video with you all from my first year of teaching. I was a middle school teacher believe it or not and this fantastic video is a present from all the teachers of said middle school to the graduating 8th graders. While filming this gem of amateur cinematography I realized sadly that I was indeed only 10 years older than my students and while many of colleagues thought it was a blast to throw a "mock party" to Lady GaGa's music, I was secretly kind of disappointed that the lyrics to the song no longer applied to my life... well, maybe only on the occasional weekend!

Another great GaGa song that I cannot claim to relate to, but that gets absolutely stuck in my head ALL day regardless, is "Paparazzi." First of all, what is UP with that music video? Not gonna lie, it's a little bit scary. But since it features sexy Eric from True Blood I figure I can forgive her for being a tad too creeptastic for my taste.

Anyways, this song could have easily been the "getting read to go out music" before just about any Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Tuesday, etc... any night out with the kids from Mdub! Didn't we all believe that it was just a matter of time - it was all about determination, yes? Okay maybe that was just obsessive little me. But you gotta admit, you find yourself wanting to sing along... "I'll be your papa- paparazzi... but I won't stop until that boy is mine!" Oh yeah, I know you wanna sing!

But I must admit, this entire GaGa rant has been brought on by my new discovery of her tune "Boys, Boys, Boys," which is supposed to be a tribute to Motley Crue's "Girls, Girls, Girls."

This song is like the crystal meth of music. You know it's not entirely healthy to listen to it on repeat but yet you just... can't... help... yourself... *repeats song for 57th time*

I'll admit, I cannot stop listening to this song. I get these vivid images in my head of real life events that actually happened except now they are made better because I pretend this song was somehow magically there as part of my life soundtrack. Dancing on the table of our apt in our bikinis, doing shots @ the Student Govt Prez house, playing flip cup with the rugby players, hitching a ride to Houston's with complete strangers cuz we missed the crunk bus, going to Chipotle w/ the HLA gals and cat-calling guys out the window of the car... insert GaGa and it's THAT much better! This is my theory.

So, am I the only one who thinks "where was this song/artist" when I was going through some specific time in my life? If you have thoughts, I'd love to hear them! Post comments below and share the songs you discovered "too late."

Until next time, this is Megs saying "thank you Lady GaGa for capturing the feeling of good times" and remember that it is NEVER too late to party as long as you got the right tunes!